DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
