Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
