I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Blood and glitter go together right?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
