I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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