upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
