I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I seem to have left my pride at pride
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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