so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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