fuck your aforementioned shoe
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
