dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
