Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
