He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
