Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
