I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
