2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
