Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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