You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
