She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
