I skipped work to stalk him.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
