Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
