Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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