Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my being single is dangerous.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
