well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize