Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
