dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
