If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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