i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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