If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
