Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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