i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Do vagina's smell?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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