No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
