Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
