she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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