i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
