whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
