Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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