Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just had sex on a roof
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
