rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
