wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize