Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
there is puke in my bra ... again
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
