Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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