Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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