On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I did not marry a roomba.
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