He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
