After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
