I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Every concussion has its silver lining
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
