so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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