i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
