So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize