I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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