i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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