You really coming over, don't trick.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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