this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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