i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
