here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
