I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
