mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
