thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
