What did we do last night that was yellow?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
