Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
well you can't waste a boner
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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