if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
