went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
