I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
