My nipple is on Facebook.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
And then my night got REAL pukey
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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