i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
