You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
