my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
