so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize