Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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