So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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